If someone truly loves you, they won't make you feel like you need to constantly fight for their attention.
There is plenty of advice out there about how to catch a cheating husband or how to identify a cheating wife. There are whole books dedicated to recovering after a significant other cheated, and dozens of reality shows center around rocky relationships. The law itself has been altered to take into account the cultural obsession with cheating. As spyware developed and suspicious spouses began technologically monitoring their partners, laws were put into place to protect spouses’ privacy from each other. Certain technological ways of monitoring people are illegal in different areas, and a great deal of those electronic spying techniques were used by paranoid spouses prying into their partner’s lives.
The bulk of cheating information, however, seems to focus on spotting the betrayal or recovering in the aftermath of discovering a loved one has been unfaithful. There is, comparatively, far less information out there about why people cheat in the first place. Here are six reasons people struggle to be faithful in relationships.
Boredom
Humans are hardwired to like new things. New things are interesting, exciting, mysterious or some combination of all three. Newness is also attractive in a person. It’s at the root of the “honeymoon period” of a relationship. That newness, however, inevitably wears off at some point. For most people, this is not a deal-breaker. Newness, mystery, excitement and passion give way to steadiness, strength, comfort and safety. In a long term relationship, most people see the change from “new and exciting” to “comfortable and familiar” as a perfectly natural and welcome trade. Others, however, need something to relight their fire. They want someone who is new and exciting, or a relationship that still possesses that exciting “will-we, won’t we” tension.
For some couples, a change of scenery is all that’s needed to breathe life back into a marriage. A weekend away can bring the passion back into a couple’s relationship and get them out of the proverbial rut. Unfortunately, however, some people will never be happy without the stimulation of constant “newness” and will continue to stray.
Emotional Distance
This is the number one reason cheaters cite for straying. Emotional distance often takes the form of a lack of communication or a lack of attention between spouses. One person may be working long hours and have lost any ability to balance their job and their home life, or one spouse may be entirely focused on the couple’s children. This leaves the other person in the relationship feeling neglected or taken for granted. Then, the neglected party meets someone they connect with. The person who was feeling taken advantage of now has someone in their life who is attentive and enjoys having intimate conversations. The neglected spouse has found a person who will give the neglected spouse the attention the neglected spouse was craving. The neglected spouse turns their back on their primary relationship and begins to have an affair.
To avoid this breakdown in a relationship, a person should be sure to make time for their significant other. Yes, the days can be long and hectic, but the other person in the relationship still needs attention and support. Don’t forget a spouse in the daily runaround, or they may begin looking elsewhere to get the emotional connection every human being craves.
Commitment Issues
Some people become anxious at the very idea of making a decision that will last the rest of their life. “Until death do us part” scares them senseless because what if they chose wrong? What if the person they are meant to be with is still out there? What if they settled and are missing their chance to be with someone who is absolutely perfect for them? What if, what if, what if?
These sorts of thoughts are enough to drive anyone crazy, but some people handle them worse than others. Rather than focusing on the good in their relationship or getting professional help dealing with the underlying cause of their anxiety, some people start straying. These anxious people may stray because they need to confirm that they married the right person. They need proof that their husband or wife really is the one for them. Unfortunately, an anxious cheater’s quest to reaffirm their decision can tear their relationship apart.
Resentment
Resentment between spouses can build up into a truly impressive explosion. Sometimes, that explosion is loud and drawn out, and it may involve screaming or slamming doors. While having a shouting match is hardly an ideal situation, the yelling may be better than resentment that festers and turns into an affair. To some people, cheating is a perfectly legitimate response to the resentment they feel towards their significant other. The cheater feels that they are getting revenge on their partner. Affairs motivated by resentment can also be caused by an unfaithful partner who feels their cheating is justified. They weren’t getting what they needed or wanted from their primary relationship, so they go looking for what they are missing elsewhere.
Spouses can keep resentment from festering by communicating with their partner, listening to the other person’s opinions and appreciating each other’s contributions to the relationship. Few things create resentment faster than a person who feels they have been taken advantage of or aren’t appreciated.
Insecurity
Insecurity can drive people to do extreme things in an effort to gain or regain their confidence. Some people even go looking for that “confidence boost” outside of their primary relationship. Cheating based on insecurity is often backed by a desire to feel younger or more desirable than a person currently feels. It may be that a young mother feels insecure about her post-baby body and wants someone to prove to her that she’s still desirable. It could be a middle aged man who wants someone to show him he is still interesting or exciting. In this situation, a flirty co-worker might be the ego-boost the young mother is craving, or the middle aged man might decide his old college flame would be a great way to take his mind off the monotony of his job and let him relive his wild fraternity days.
Insecurity isn’t an easy thing to deal with, but a spouse should be able to notice their partner’s insecurities building before it births an affair. If she refuses to wear a swim suit when she used to spend all summer in a bikini, she’s probably dealing with some insecurity about her body. Similarly, if he asks if he’s become boring when he was always confident in the past, he is likely insecure about how interesting he is to others. To help an insecure spouse, listen to what they have to say. Then, aid them in growing their confidence and overcoming their insecurities.
Ease of Opportunity and Acceptance of Infidelity
Technology has brought the world closer in many ways, but it is also starting to tear relationships apart. As well as causing arguments over using the phone at the table, opportunities for cheating have grown exponentially with the expansion of the internet. Social media brings old flames back into people’s lives, and websites have evolved that are specifically meant to help married men and women have affairs.
The internet, and especially smartphones, has left the West wired 24/7. People are bombarded at all hours of the day and night with information, news, viral videos and trending social media posts. A large chunk of that bombardment is dedicated to cheating. Celebrity affairs make headlines, and messy divorces are played out on both daytime TV and the nightly news. With evidence of cheating everywhere, people have become desensitized to the horrible betrayal of affairs. Cheating is no longer a shocking scandal, but a familiar, vaguely interesting headline.
Cheating appears to be everywhere. Headlines are filled with celebrity scandals, and search engine results overflow with advice on spotting and catching an unfaithful spouse. Infidelity rates are high, and everyone seems to know someone who cheated on their spouse or was betrayed by an unfaithful partner. In such an environment, spouses’ time seems best spent making sure their relationship is as strong as possible. Then, when temptation occurs, the couple can refuse to give in to illicit desires.
You can't just give up on someone because situation's not ideal. Great relationships aren't great because they have no problems. They're great because both people care enough about the other person to find a way to make it work.
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