The Science Behind Why People Struggle to Stay Faithful in Long-Term Relationships

In today’s society, the concept of fidelity is central to most romantic relationships. However, many people continue to struggle with maintaining faithfulness, particularly in long-term commitments. Infidelity remains one of the leading causes of relationship breakdowns, leading to emotional turmoil and fractured trust. But why is remaining faithful such a challenge for some people? Is it purely a matter of moral choice, or are there deeper forces at work?

Science provides fascinating insights into why some individuals find it difficult to remain faithful in long-term relationships. These explanations span psychology, biology, and social factors, offering a comprehensive understanding of this complex issue.

Psychological Factors

The human brain is wired for connection and attachment, but it is also wired for novelty and reward. Psychological research reveals several key factors that contribute to infidelity, rooted in the way people think and feel.

1. Dopamine and the Reward System Dopamine, often referred to as the “feel-good” neurotransmitter, plays a crucial role in how we experience pleasure and reward. This chemical is activated during moments of novelty, excitement, and new experiences. In the early stages of a relationship, dopamine levels are high, providing feelings of euphoria and passion. However, as time passes and the relationship becomes more routine, dopamine production decreases.

For some individuals, the desire to experience that initial high again leads them to seek new, exciting experiences outside of their current relationship. The brain craves the novelty that once existed at the start of the relationship, and infidelity can provide that rush of dopamine.

2. Attachment Styles Another psychological factor is a person's attachment style, which develops during early childhood. Psychologists identify three primary attachment styles: secure, anxious, and avoidant. People with insecure attachment styles, particularly those who are avoidant, may find it more difficult to stay committed in a long-term relationship. Their fear of intimacy and reliance on emotional distance can drive them to seek connection outside of their primary relationship.

On the other hand, people with anxious attachment styles may engage in infidelity due to insecurity and a constant need for validation. This can lead them to seek attention or approval from people outside of their relationship, hoping to fill an emotional void.

3. Emotional Dissatisfaction While physical attraction and chemistry are important, emotional connection is the glue that holds long-term relationships together. When individuals feel emotionally neglected, misunderstood, or disconnected from their partner, they are more likely to look for emotional fulfillment elsewhere. This emotional dissatisfaction is often a precursor to infidelity, as people seek out someone who can provide the emotional support and intimacy they feel is lacking in their current relationship.

Biological Factors

Beyond psychology, biology also plays a significant role in why some people struggle to remain faithful. Our evolutionary past and genetic makeup influence behaviors that can make monogamy difficult for some individuals.

1. Evolutionary Theory From an evolutionary perspective, the drive for infidelity can be explained by the desire to pass on one’s genes to the next generation. Historically, men could increase their chances of reproductive success by mating with multiple partners, ensuring that their genes were passed on. Women, on the other hand, often sought partners who could provide resources and protection for their offspring. While modern society has evolved, these biological instincts can still influence behavior.

Some evolutionary psychologists argue that these innate drives may explain why certain individuals, particularly men, struggle with monogamy. The desire for novelty and reproductive variety could contribute to infidelity in long-term relationships.

2. Hormonal Influence Hormones such as testosterone and oxytocin also play a role in human behavior regarding fidelity. Testosterone, which is present in both men and women but at higher levels in men, is associated with increased sexual desire. High levels of testosterone have been linked to a higher likelihood of engaging in risky behaviors, including infidelity.

Oxytocin, often referred to as the “love hormone,” promotes bonding and attachment between partners. It is released during moments of physical closeness, such as hugging or sexual activity. Low levels of oxytocin or a lack of bonding experiences in a relationship can reduce the sense of connection, making it easier for one partner to stray.

Social and Environmental Factors

While psychology and biology provide critical insights, social and environmental factors also contribute significantly to the challenges of staying faithful.

1. Opportunity and Temptation One of the simplest explanations for infidelity is opportunity. In today’s hyperconnected world, opportunities for extramarital or extrarelational connections abound. Social media platforms, dating apps, and even workplace environments can create scenarios where individuals meet people outside their relationship, increasing the likelihood of temptation.

Furthermore, research has shown that people who frequently engage in environments that promote casual interactions, such as bars or parties, may face more temptations and thus struggle more with remaining faithful.

2. Cultural Norms Cultural and societal norms also play a significant role in influencing behavior. In societies where monogamy is highly valued and emphasized, individuals may feel a stronger societal pressure to remain faithful. However, in environments where infidelity is more normalized or accepted, individuals may feel less guilt about straying from their primary relationship.

For instance, in certain cultures, extramarital affairs are considered a status symbol or a sign of power. This cultural influence can make it easier for individuals to justify infidelity, even if they care deeply about their long-term partner.

3. Relationship Satisfaction Finally, relationship satisfaction plays a major role in determining whether someone will remain faithful. Studies have shown that individuals in fulfilling, happy relationships are less likely to cheat. On the other hand, dissatisfaction—whether emotional, physical, or sexual—can drive individuals to seek fulfillment elsewhere. This dissatisfaction could stem from unresolved conflicts, lack of communication, or unmet needs within the relationship.

Conclusion

The struggle to stay faithful in long-term relationships is influenced by a complex interplay of psychological, biological, and social factors. From the brain’s reward system and attachment styles to evolutionary instincts and cultural norms, many forces can make fidelity challenging. However, understanding these factors can empower individuals and couples to address underlying issues, improve communication, and create stronger, more resilient relationships.

By recognizing the science behind infidelity, people can take proactive steps to protect their relationships, ensuring that commitment and trust remain at the core of their partnership.